Have you ever felt that people’s perception of you does not match how you view yourself at all? For the past several months, I’ve often had this sense of mismatch, of disparity, between how I see myself and how many others see me and it’s never stronger then when I’m talking with the customers at my parents’ restaurant.
By the way, hello! It’s been an ungodly amount of time since I’ve posted, mostly because I’ve been busy working at said restaurant and the numerous other jobs that I’m juggling. June was especially nuts, and whenever I think it’s slowing down, it never actually is. But helping at the restaurant really made me start thinking about this idea of identity and perception because the question I am asked constantly when I’m there is: Where are you traveling to next?
Apparently sometime in the past couple of years, I’ve become a known globetrotter, someone who is never in one place for very long and who is constantly planning her next adventure. And while I know that to some extent this is the life I’ve been living, and when I think about where I want to be in 5 years (a question I was recently asked) I just picture a list of places I’d like to try out, I feel like a fake. After all, I’ve been pretty much sedentary here in California for the past 10 months. But more than that, I read the blogs of people who are truly globetrotters and the risks they take. I definitely do not see myself as a risk taker. I like to have a plan. I’ve become a lot better at not having a plan, but only on a small scale – for the length of a short trip or something like that. I think a real globetrotter doesn’t have a room full of boxes and more clothes than can fit in her closet; she doesn’t stress about not booking a place to stay for all legs of her journey; she can – and will – leave at the drop of a hat; she doesn’t feel torn between wanting to settle in one place and live in a dozen others.
Am I crazy? Maybe other people don’t have this mental list of what a globetrotter/explorer/jetsetter is. Maybe they just see someone who likes to travel. I still can’t shake the feeling, though, that they think I take more risks than I actually do. Sure, I’ve gambled a few times in the past few years, but it hasn’t been without a lot of thought and contingency planning. I like backup plans, and I’ve met a lot people in my travels who don’t have one plan, let alone a couple backup ones. And I feel like some people see me in that group and I’m not saying that’s a bad thing, I’m just saying I’m a fraud if they do. I don’t even know why I’ve been pondering this, why it’s something I feel the need to write about. I guess I just put a lot of value on truth, on accuracy, on details, and I want to set the record straight even though no one will really read this. For myself. I guess because today we place such an importance on finding your identity and being comfortable with it, and I’m trying to find mine. So globetrotter? Maybe not. But semi-nomad? I think so, simply because I don’t think I can ever go full-nomad.